There is clear evidence that social support and relationships are crucial to our well-being. Today, there is even knowledge that relationships have a greater impact on survival than, for example, diet and exercise! It may seem controversial, but on closer reflection it is not at all strange. Think of involuntary loneliness and isolation where no other person is naturally available for emotional support or everyday companionship! Or think of all the energy that is spent on destructive and conflict-filled relationships. Our health is certainly affected by bad relationships and insufficient social support!

To quote psychiatrist Robert Waldinger. “The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health” said Robert Waldinger director of the study a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “Taking care of your body is important but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That I think is the revelation.” I agree it is a form of revelation or at least revealing facts. It is also old knowledge something we all know precisely because we are relational herd animals! From the research we can therefore draw the following conclusion: If we both take care of our body and our relationships Wow! Then we feel at our very best!

This brings us to two important questions: How well do you take care of your relationships and what do you do when you take care of your relationships? On a general level, I dare say that we all have homework to do in the area of ​​relationships. There is a tendency to all too often take for granted that our relationships with others should "work" - a kind of misconception that relationships take care of themselves. In this context, my thoughts turn to the philosopher and psychoanalyst Erich Fromm and his classic "The Art of Love" from 1956. Like Erich Fromm, I believe that love and relationships are an art in the same way that it is an art to live. If we want to become good lovers, parents, friends, colleagues, we must behave in the same way as when we want to learn any other art, such as music, painting or sports. According to Fromm, learning an art needs to be divided into theory and practice. Theoretical knowledge about relationships is often low, if not non-existent. Relationship knowledge should reasonably be included as a mandatory subject on the school schedule. Sweden claims to be a research society, so it is even more obvious to prioritize the body and relationships in school because you have not forgotten the conclusions from the Harvard study. In addition to theoretical knowledge about relationships, commitment and concentration are also needed. That is, we must want to devote ourselves to the art of loving and nurturing our relationships. According to Fromm, there is a challenge in this that we can all recognize, we have so many other things that engage us that we spend time and concentration on; success, money, consumption, prestige, status, power...

The practical part of the art of relationships is already established in the fetal stage when the child takes his first breath, he is ready to be in a relationship. In the vast majority of cases, we get to practice practically with our caregivers, we learn about love and relationships and prepare ourselves for mature relationships in adulthood. But like all arts, we are never fully learned, there is always something more to understand about ourselves or others. To maintain good relationships, we must open up and talk to each other, silence or avoidance is poison to relationships. We need to talk to and listen to each other before the gaps become too large within families in workplaces... We must also be brave and engage in self-criticism to ask ourselves - How can I change? ... and not fall into the trap of only demanding changes from others. We need to consciously distribute and prioritize our time and energy between different forms of relationships - children, partners, friends, work and interests - and avoid one being the one who suffocates all the others. My hope is that 2018 will be a good and relationally healthy year!

Maria M Kallberg

Additional reference material and sources:

For those of you who are interested in relationship and well-being research, please refer to the unique and exciting Harvard study that has been going on for almost 80 years! What makes us happy and feel good throughout life? If you think it's fame and money, you're not alone, but according to psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, you're wrong. He is responsible for a study that has been going on for more than 75 years that deals with the development of adult life and he has access to unique data about true happiness and satisfaction. In this talk, he shares three important conclusions from this study but also gives some practical advice as old as the street on how to have a good long life.

Follow the link below to Robert Waldinger's TED TALK – How to have a good life? Conclusions from the longest study on happiness. Invest 12:44 minutes in reflection and contemplation: TO TED TALK

To read about the Harvard study: TO THE STUDY

Worth reading is the psychology classic "The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm.

Erich Fromm begins his book The Art of Loving with these words. "Is love an art? If so, it requires insight and purposeful effort. Or is love merely a pleasant sensation, a purely random experience, something that happens to one if one is lucky. This little book is based on the former assumption, but most people today would probably decide for the latter." This classic deals with love and relationships in all its forms: in relationships between parents and children, love for other people, and love for God. According to the author, love is the most satisfying answer to the problems of human existence. Love is a way of relating to the world and to fellow human beings; it is an active will in man and a waste of life force.

Erick Fromm had many strings on his lyre, even more relevant today based on his thoughts and writings on psychological explanations and understanding of the emergence of authoritarian undemocratic mass movements – such as Nazism and other extreme movements that threaten our democracy. Reading tip: Flight from Freedom (1945)

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