Loneliness creates a vacuum around my existence. Everything I believed in yesterday, the contours I had, are dissolving. As if it belonged to someone else. Everything flows out and I no longer know what is true. Who am I now? And what have I really achieved in life? And does anyone need me at all? That's how my thoughts go. It's quiet around me. So very, very quiet.

Life has gone into reverse.

I recognize this state. The dissolution. I've been here before and know that it's a painful but natural part of life. It's called development and it's part of being human. Metamorphosis, change. I used to think the world would end when uncertainty hit. But today I know that it's not my fault even if it feels that way. Don't make me a failed person. Even if it feels that way. It's a process I have to go through to mature into who I'm going to become. The hardest thing is leaving what is familiar and safe behind me and facing an uncertain future. Fighting against it and trying to hold on only leads to frustration and more pain. After throwing myself into uncertainty so many times and being accepted by life, I know better than to get depressed. So I break down for a while and then gather myself together for new challenges.

Nature teaches me to let go. The trees that shed their leaves in the fall, a whole year's work that they only shed in the space of a week. From lush green to bare bare. Seemingly completely secure in the knowledge that next year they will start over. Life goes on inside – as soon as the earth is warm enough, they send fluid up from the roots and out into the branches where millions upon millions of little green leaves unfold. Life in constant motion.

I am writing about this because I have learned how important it is to dare to talk about feelings of loneliness, fear of the future, fear of change and living in uncertainty. Dare to talk honestly with friends, dare to stay in the present. In nature I learn that everything old, everything that has died, becomes fertile ground and nourishment for the new. That is the charm of metamorphosis – how withered leaves and trees, flowers and grass become new soil where the future can grow!

If you feel lost and unsure of what gives meaning to life and who you are, take advantage of nature as an existential force – take a walk in the forest, sit on a rock and cry a little, lean against a tree trunk and watch the time pass. Life is in constant change and movement. That is the only thing we can be sure of!

Warm regards

The Lisen